The Goodness of God

Over the last few weeks I have been recognizing some of the limitations that I have allowed fear to place on my life. Specifically as it relates to my parenting. If you follow my postings then you know I have a wonderful 5 year old son who was diagnosed with Autism when he was around the age of 2. Like parenting all children, we experience a lot of hard! Maybe more intensely, for longer periods and in different ways but similarly still to anyone parenting little image bearers and all that it entails.

The last few months we have been implementing social stories and stretching Jackson with new experiences, turns out the stretching is just as much if not more so for his Dad and I, than it is for Jackson. Social stories have been a great tool for getting Jackson back to being able to go inside the grocery store, maintain and enjoy Sunday School at church, and a few other things. Next up on the list has been visiting a restaurant. The last time we attempted to sit down with Jackson inside a restaurant ended with dishes overturned, Mommy and Daddy intensely “talking”, and Jackson going from full meltdown to pure exhaustion for days after…. hence where my fear began to take root.

Over the years as I recognize I am in need of a perspective shift, I know to look to Jesus, there I can clearly see that FEAR IS A LIAR! Our own good Father parents us in such a way that He does not “protect us” from the hard or messy, nor does He prevent all of our sufferings. God loves us so much and is such a good parent – He allows for us to suffer through circumstances while encouraging us to obey, stay strong, and wait…

Last week as I pulled into the Dairy Queen, social story in hand, and a very excited Jackson squealing as we parked – I realized I was gripped with a small sort of panic. I repeated every scripture in my head and heart as I could bring to mind. The Lord was steady, reminding me of His patience and love and acceptance, ABOUNDING in LOVINGKINDNESS and TRUTH. Therefore, I could offer no other response to Jackson. It was then when the van full of people (about 15) pulled in and hopped out before us that I realized that I was still filled with dread! I quickly prayed, “Oh Lord, WHY? Why now of all times that this place is usually empty did this group of people have to come here!” “Why Lord, I am struggling so hard! Please help me and meet me here in this NOW!”

Hand in hand, Jackson and I both head into the Dairy Queen, truthfully we both were a little nervous but trusting in the Lord. When Jackson seen the crowd he scrambled up my legs and I carried him the rest of the way – much like the Lord was carrying me. Isn’t HE just good like that!?

Fast forward, we order food, find the just right table, things are going pretty OK! Jackson loves to watch traffic so this was perfect!

And then, Jackson stands up, arms wide and begins to announce, “Good morning everyone!” Jackson’s form of speech processing will usually keep him repeating until someone responds, and well it wasn’t me he wanted to respond…

I cautiously glance around and it was then that I could see so clearly just how good God is! That big group of people I was grumbling about… well they were ALL intellectually delayed! I seen little heads and people begin to stand up and look at Jackson making his announcements. And then, we heard two replies, “Good morning.” Jackson smiled and went back to playing vehicles and I teared up, feeling full and empty and humble and in awe… isn’t it just like us to sometimes miss the blessing for the grumbling!? As I continued to look around I saw adults with their support workers, young adults trying to figure out to behave in a restaurant just like Jackson! And even a local school district was in the corner doing 504/IEP planning with parents of elementary and middle schoolers.

The entire place was full of these incredibly special people!

God did more than see me – HE met me, filled me and HE reminded me of how HE parents us.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. – James 1:12

In a brief summary this season the Lord is continuously, in His patience reminding me over and over Trust and Obey.

Sometimes when we are called to obey, the fear does not subside and we are expected to move against the fear. One must choose to do it afraid.

Elisabeth Elliot

As Jackson held the attention of this crowd of what I believe were “placed there by God” people, I prayed, I prayed so hard that Jackson would one day share his faith as boldly as he was proclaiming good morning. I prayed that the Lord would continue to bring the crowd (friends) HE would have, to Jackson. And I prayed that HE would never allow for us to be content in our comfort zones… (I know this is like praying for patience) but nevertheless it is what I desire.

SO for the first time Jackson: stayed the entire time in the restaurant, ate actual food (French fries), talked to people he did not know, and ate his VERY FIRST ice cream cone, with sprinkles naturally.

And so as I close, I want to share a quote from Abbie Halberstadt, from her book, Hard is Not the Same Thing as Bad:

You might be driven beyond your human capacity for
patience and resourcefulness right into the arms of a God who loves you enough to refuse to allow you to stay
in your comfort zone, unchanged and unchallenged---
who adores you enough to give you the kind of hard that 
transforms you from someone who wishes she could live
for Him into someone who's doing it right now, even while
she doubts her capacity to do to again tomorrow.