But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in UNFAILING love… this is your God who brought you out of Egypt.

Just a few days ago I found myself in the book of Nehemiah. This is not a book that I am familiar with and I was struck by the people’s prayer and confession of their sins in chapter 9. Their confession comes AFTER reading God’s law, for three hours they read and for three hours they confessed. Then they prayed! It was during their prayer that I felt tears well up in my eyes. My tears began to fall as I read the history of Israel and of the works God had done, this was an efficient way to remind the people of their great heritage and God’s promises. Isn’t it just like US to forget?

I was humbled by the reality of God’s goodness, ready to pardon our sins, when we appropriately come to Him in humility and repentance. I was taken back in my memory to the times God has pardoned me; taken back to times before I knew Him personally and I was relying on my SELF. The Israelites were no stranger to periods of intense rebellion and sin, yet they also were no stranger to God’s unfailing love, goodness, and mercy either! The same for me. Perhaps, this is true for you too?

Nehemiah 9:33, “Every time you punished us you were being just. We have sinned greatly, and you gave us only what we deserved. Wow! Feeling convicted? I know I was! I unknowingly often forget the amount of times God has forgiven me, and how reckless I can be with that forgiveness.

Ruth Schwenk puts it this way, “Yes, sometimes my experience of God doesn’t match my expectation of God, but that is not evidence of the absence of God.

I have a deep history of trauma that includes sexual abuse, trafficking, drug addiction, and self harm. I have been clean and sober for 14 years now thanks to the GOODNESS OF GOD! But the journey to get here, like the journey of Israelites, could have been so much shorter had I been obedient and faithful; had I been trusting the Lord FULLY. It took me a long time to understand why when I prayed to be free from drug addiction I did not receive a radical transformation; yet, when I prayed for deliverance from my self-harm I did receive a radical deliverance. I received FREEDOM. This is by no means a blanket statement on the greatness of God’s sovereignty, I share as a caution. A caution to reflect on yourself and posture before the Lord. Are you wanting deliverance in order to step more fully into God’s design for you or are you seeking deliverance so your life can be easier.

For me, drug addiction was a nuance and a complication, I could see it hurting others around me in a practical way. I could also hide it and excuse it away. For self harm, my posture was very different. I was afraid I would loose my life, I was afraid of the scars and marks it was leaving all over my body. I was afraid that the act of self harm was more offensive to the Lord because of the work He done on the cross to PARDON ME! I prayed consistently for a year solid, I offered the Lord all I had at the time and that was humble, raw, and honest prayer. I lamented, I yelled, I pleaded, and I BOWED down. I remember very clearly when the Lord gave me a message, dropped right into my heart.

I have come to learn that this is called a Rhema word, in Greek this literally means an “utterance” or “thing said”. He gave me a word and after, in His sovereignty, it was confirmed even more when a stranger gave me a verse.

He spoke into my heart, in the firmest but gentlest voice, “Were my wounds not enough for you?” What seemed like the next day someone handed me a folded piece of paper with 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” That day my soil became more fertile, the seeds of the yester-years sprouted forth. I never self harmed again. I would continue to struggle with drug addiction and relapses after that, but I can now see how my choices put me in the wilderness and how the Lord worked those things for my good. I grew in grace, I learned to trust in Him more fully, I learned WHO my Heavenly Father was. And let me tell you, He is so much more than I realized! I also learned that the Lord truly will provide all we NEED. Notice I said “NEED” not want.

Like the Israelites, it serves us well to remember our personal history. This will help us to avoid making the same mistakes of our past and equally important, I think it serves as a reminder to our spiritual growth and can help us identify patterns, recognition of these things will help us to become the kind of person God wants us to be.

God puts no limits on the amount of times we can come to Him to obtain His mercy – BUT – WE must Come, in order to receive it.

Psalm 40:1-3, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

We serve a gracious and merciful God – this should cause you to take a look at your own life, sometimes we take for granted today’s provisions and today’s grace.

If you have something in your life, a addiction like me or a reoccurring difficulty continue to to ask God for help AND be prepared to make changes! Changes in BOTH attitude and behavior. God will meet us where we are BUT He does not expect us to stay there… your hurt or your trauma may not have been your fault but it is your responsibility to go to God for healing, to receive the grace, mercy, and most importantly the freedom He has for you.

I like the way Matthew Henry puts it in his commentary on Nehemiah 9, he says, “Let all remember that pride and obstinacy are sins which ruin the soul. But it is often as hard to persuade the brokenhearted to hope, as formerly it was to bring them fear…”

Jesus paid it all on the cross. Your sins have been paid for in full. Approach His throne today and receive the grace and the healing – THE LIFE – He has for you!

We have a God who is ready to pardon, the ransom has been paid, do not let your sense of unworthiness keep you away.

Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.