Tag: addict

Keep praying

Lamentations 3:40-44, ““Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord! Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven: “We have transgressed and rebelled, and you have not forgiven. “You have wrapped yourself with anger and pursued us, killing without pity; you have wrapped yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.”
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭40‬-‭44‬ ‭ESV‬‬

What a gift that God purposefully allowed these words to become part of His Holy, inspired word. These verses are proof that God wants us to bring everything to Him, honestly.

For 5 years, I have recorded every meal, medication, poop, poop details, drinks, all details that make up the big picture of Jackson’s gut health. This has helped me to make shifts and those have been helpful – but even more so this has became a living history of my raw emotions going up to the Lord. My tears, frustrations, unknowns, so much effort, sometimes no gains, only setbacks….

The speaker of Lamentations in 3:44 said, “You God have wrapped yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.”

It is ironic he said this as a line in prayer to God.
Even if you feel like your prayers are not being heard, keep praying! Despite the speaker’s doubt, clearly God did hear this prayer since it is recorded in His Scriptures!

The text began with a call to “test and examine OUR ways” and return to the Lord.

The people had not even asked for God’s forgiveness, let alone repented or turned, but here we see the speaker beginning to make this shift. Healing takes time.

Psalm 147:3 says the Lord, “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”.
Whether our heartbreak is an underserved outcome of others sinning against us or even if it’s caused by our own sin, God forgives those who seek His forgiveness.


He comforts. He mends.

For the first time this year, I am throwing away huge stacks of these “remembrance” pages. My Savior knows Jackson and He sees me. I am trusting Him and I will keep praying these special prayers for my special boy, knowing God will heal, forgive, and mend. ❤️

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Where you find OR place your identity matters for eternity.

Paul opens up Ephesians by clearly stating his identity:

“This letter is from Paul, chosen by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus. I am writing to God’s holy people in Ephesus, who are faithful followers of Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬

Then – In Ephesians 1:4-10, Paul immediately begins by reminding us of our identity. Our identity in Christ is that we are holy and dearly loved children of God. We get this identity when we receive God’s gift of salvation through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. This identity is not based on us, but rather, it is placed on us because we have been adopted into God’s family. Just like when a baby is placed into a family either through birth or adoption, they become a son or a daughter and take that family’s name as their identity. It is the same with our identity in Christ.

This isn’t because of our work, our successes or how good we try to be. We become children of God by grace through faith in Christ.

Paul wants our spiritual identity to frame our minds and thoughts. He desires to help us think rightly so that we may speak and act rightly.

An important truth is that our adoption to the Father is an action of pure love by a God who is not impersonal, but deeply connected and concerned with the objects of His love, you and I! 🥰🥰🥰

I was reminded of this powerful truth this morning – the longer I walk with the Lord sometimes I forget just how broken I was before I surrendered everything to him, and before I understood that my identity comes from him. I grew up in a deeply broken home. My father’s hands were representations of pain, hurt, abuse. My mother was so concerned with her own survival that she represented competition, coldness, self centeredness. This all led me to believe I was unworthy of love, safety, I felt as though I had no value.

Just hearing the simple gospel message had the power to begin to change me, it made me spiritually new, but it did not do the deep work inside of me to change where I found my own identity – only through diligent study of God’s word and submitting everything to him first before the world – have I been able to come to know and believe that I am my father’s daughter.

Friends, let’s not forget that our adoption as children of God comes with an expectation.
When we remember and think of the great and glorious truth of being adopted by the King of heaven and earth, and that we share in the inheritance of the King, it should result in a desire to reflect and live up to the standard of the King and His Kingdom. This means instead of just going along with what the world deems acceptable in our thoughts and our words, that we set a higher standard for ourselves to “be holy and blameless before him” (Ephesians 1:4). To be holy and blameless includes allowing the truth of our adoption to lace the words that come from our mouth and inform every action of our hands and feet. It doesn’t mean we will always do this perfectly, but it does mean that we are daily checking and intentionally redirecting our thoughts and our words to stay in line with God’s instructions. It’s not because we are guilted into it but because we desire to stay free of the entrapments of the enemy that come from thoughts polluted with lies and words tainted with bitterness, slander and harshness.

Adoption means we now have God as our Father. It means that we receive the inheritance that could only legally be given to a son.

This is profound.

#IdentityInChrist #IdentityExploration #themeekmomma #biblejournaling #autismfamily #solagratia #GraceAlone #adoption #testimony

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Submit to the Lord

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

These verses in James gives us an action plan for turning from our sin and living out our faith in God:

  1. First we submit to God (4:7a). This means we acknowledge God’s wisdom is wiser than the ways of the world. We also recognize His rightful authority to direct our lives according to His wisdom.

Submitting is what we do – but practically HOW do we do it? James goes on…

  1. We resist the devil (4:7b). The implication of the Greek word translated “resist” is “to stand against” or “withstand”. This infers a promise that whatever power Satan may have, we are ABLE to overcome him by God’s GRACE.
  2. We draw near to God (4:8a). James appears to have Hosea 12:6 in mind: “so you by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God.” James commands and promises were written to believers in Jesus. But rather than love and justice, these believers had demonstrated selfish ambition and partiality. James was not necessarily talking about drawing near to God for salvation here but he was referring to what repentance from sin looks like for Christ followers.
  3. We wash our hands and purify our hearts (4:8b). This alludes to how Israelite priests prepared to minister before the Lord in the OT, reminding us that we are called to a high standard of behavior as Christ’s people. He washes us clean through the Gospel of His sacrificial death and resurrection, which we receive through the Word and which is how we draw near to Him. (Eph. 5:25b-27).
  4. Finally, we grieve and mourn and wail over our sin (4:9). When we draw near to God, we become saddened over our inability to fully follow the Lord’s commands … but our weeping turns to exhalation as we experience God’s forgiveness of our sins through Christ (James 4:10).

All of these intentional choices result in our recognition of our deep spiritual need for our Savior.

Thanks be to God that Jesus has rescued us and promises to present us, the Church, before God’s throne as His beautiful bride.

“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,”
‭‭Jude‬ ‭1‬:‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Rather than trying to work our way into positions of power, recognition, or status, we can humbly sit in the presence of God. He positions us for purpose and purifies our hearts. As we acknowledge our desperation for His deliverance, He will forgive and exalt us.

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Suffer Well

I started a study on the book of Hebrews at the beginning of January. I am currently a few months in and rounding out the last two chapters. Hebrews is such a theologically rich book that it has caused me to overlook or under-consider (is under-consider a word?) the books presentation of:

Jesus is enough and Jesus is always the answer

The last two months I have had some things come up that have given me a fresh comfort of this truth. This book has been a major balm to my soul and has increased my ability to abide in my relationship with Christ. When condemnation has came knocking on the doors of my memories and anxiety of the unknown has tried to shake me… these truths overcome!

“For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭2‬:‭18‬ ‭ESV‬

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4‬:‭15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Earlier this month I had a scare with some unexpected blood loss… I go to the doctor and get a referral to surgery, which I am waiting to be scheduled currently. At that same appointment, unexpectedly, the doctor found a large lump on each of my breasts. This month made exactly one year since my last breast cancer scare in which my faithful church family anointed and prayed for me. 

“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”
‭‭James‬ ‭5‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So now I wait on another mammogram and diagnostic imaging but I wait knowing God has been faithful in the past and I can trust He will be faithful again. Because I can trust Him, and know He is never changing, I can have peace in this messy place and I know if I suffer well – I will be rewarded in this trial.

Suffering for the Christian always presents the opportunity for discipline and growth.

“And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.””
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

This month I also had someone reach out to me relaying that my earthly dad would like my address so he can write to me. This is a person who I have had zero contact with for over 14 years. This person was abusive in every way possible and in the past has denied any contact with me, even contact for me to relay I had forgiven him and would always continue to pray for him. In an act of grace and mercy, I said yes and sent my address. I cannot know if this persons heart has changed or what their intention is… but I can have faith in trusting the Lord to see me through whatever may be on the other side of this.

And I can know that I continue to pray with faith that my dad would confess his sins to the Lord, be forgiven, become a changed man, and one day join the Saints in Heaven.

Jesus endured the suffering of this world because He knew the outcome was worth it. You were worth it, friend and I was worth it. Jesus willingly obeyed God by coming to this world and in turn, it resulted in the restoration and reunion of God’s children. Jesus knew there was eternal salvation waiting beyond the suffering of this life! The same is true for us.

Eternity with Jesus awaits us. So what about this suffering in the meantime? If we allow it, this too can have eternal purpose. Our suffering can become a means of God’s discipline… let’s define the word “discipline”.

Discipline here does not mean punishment. Jesus already took our punishment. (Isaiah 53:5) The Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible defines discipline as “Learning that molds character and enforces correct behavior; from a Latin word meaning instruction’ or ‘training.” Suffering can be a major means for us to learn, train and be molded into someone better. Much like using weights to discipline and condition our muscles, or using alarm clocks to discipline our use of time, if we let it, suffering can discipline our hearts toward empathy, compassion, understanding and more.

If you let Him, God can turn pain into something that will transform you and yield righteousness.

Friend, being a Christian does not mean that you will have a life free of pain and suffering BUT what it does mean is that: You have Jesus!

Jesus to cover you 🙌🏻
Jesus to walk beside you 🙌🏻
Jesus in the good times and the hard times 🙏
Turns out, He is more than enough ❤️

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬
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Less Hustling & More Trusting

Joshua 9:1-18, “7The Israelites replied to these Hivites, “How do we know you don’t live nearby? For if you do, we cannot make a treaty with you.” 8They replied, “We are your servants.” “But who are you?” Joshua demanded. “Where do you come from?…14So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord. 15Then Joshua made a peace treaty with them and guaranteed their safety, and the leaders of the community ratified their agreement with a binding oath. 16Three days after making the treaty, they learned that these people actually lived nearby!

Reading through this passage in Joshua made me consider the amount of times that I am caught up with myself and what I think is best or right – that I FAIL TO CONSULT THE LORD!

There is a ton going on in this passage. We have a group of Kings joining together to come against Joshua and the Israelites, then there is the people who are in the land afraid, and then we have Joshua who is now leading the Israelites and constantly assessing their state of affairs and their next moves, both militarily and practically.

When the Gibeonites came proclaiming to be from a distant land, the Israelites sampled the provisions BUT did NOT consult the Lord (Joshua 9:14). Because they failed to consult the Lord they were unable to see through the deception. Israel’s leaders were deceived. Despite the fact that God had already specifically instructed them not to enter into any treaties with the inhabitants of Canaan (Ex. 23:32; Deut. 7:2; 20:17-18).

Joshua knew enough as a strategist to consult the Lord before going into battle – but the peace treaty (covenant) seemed innocent. However, by failing to go to God for guidance they ended up dealing with a lot of angry people and an awkward alliance.

Joshua failed to consult the Lord.

How often do you do the same?

For me personally, I struggle in new situations or changing situations to take the time to slow down and consult with the Lord. So much so, that sometimes I do not even realize the situation at hand is the vehicle God is using to answer my prayers. I forget about the promises God has already given me. I start hustling and depending on my self before I even realize it.

I do not intentionally not consult the Lord.

However, I can fail to be Intentional in consulting Him.

Therefore, I must be intentional with my attention, and actively look for, wait on, and be still for the Lord.

In the example we see here in Joshua, God uses this situation for good even still! Just like He has done for me and probably you too so many times! Such a merciful God!

Romans 8:28-29, ” And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn.

Joshua reminds us that even the best human leaders are fallible and fall short. God was setting the foundation for His Son Jesus, whom would come to be the perfect Prophet, King, and Priest.

Because of the treaty entered into between the Gibeonites and Israelites, the Gibeonites had

  1. The opportunity to come to know God.
  2. The Gibeonites got to experience God’s grace by the security and protection they now had from the Israelite nation.
  3. Because of this covenant the Gibeonites turned from their false gods and came to know the God of Israel.

We share something with the Gibeonites in that we too experience God’s mercy and grace – through our salvation found in Jesus Christ. While we were still sinners He sent Jesus for us (Romans 5:8).

  1. We have the opportunity to know Jesus Christ as our Savior. (see John 3:16)
  2. We get to experience God’s grace when we accept His Son, Jesus, as Lord of our life. This grace is sufficient in all things. (see John 1:16; 2 Corinthians 12:9).
  3. Because of the fulfilling of the law, through the death of Jesus on the cross, completed in His resurrection, we are no longer slaves to sin and death but have been born again through the Spirit (see Romans 6:11).

While Israel needed to be made right with God again and again (Jos. 24), Jesus died for all who would trust in Him to be made right with God forever (Jn. 3:16).

The work has been finished (Jn. 19:30); when life gets busy or your mind is overwhelmed by the chaos, in ALL things, go to the ONE who holds ALL things together.

When we consult with the Lord, we find peace. In His word we find life and wisdom. When you intentionally seek Him – He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

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This is the Gospel

How it started: Fourteen years ago, TODAY I was lost in addiction, self-harm, living a sin-soaked life and daily wondering will this get better? I now know I was asking spiritual questions but was looking to the world and man’s answers trying to find the cure. Fourteen years ago, today was the last time I used.

How it’s going: TODAY I am walking with the cure! And His name is Jesus!

The greatest physician, counselor, father, all sufficient God who sees me, created me, & loves me.

Today I am not seeking the next fix – I am seeking Him! A closer relationship to Him and getting to know Him more all the while learning to DENY myself. I am learning that in obedience to Him, I have ALL I need; He is sufficient!

Are you asking yourself the same spiritual questions?

– When will this get better?

– Will my marriage continue to fall apart?

– When will the world no longer be broken?

Ask Jesus – Ask Him to show Himself to you, invite Him into your heart, & admit how much you need Him. In your rock bottom, you can rebuild with a stronger foundation, and Jesus is that foundation, the cornerstone on which ALL stands & is held together. He loves you; He will receive you and deliver you!

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16 NLT

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 6:23 NLT

This is HOPE, this is REDEMPTION, this is the GOSPEL.

“For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”

2 Corinthians 5:21 NLT

Matthew 7:24-25, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” (NIV)

Psalm 40:1-2, “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (NIV)

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